“My father is the one person I cherish because he is thoughtful, realistic and doesn’t mind telling you the truth. He made my minor accomplishments feel major.” -Mamie Lovejoy (College Park, GA)
“The love I have for my daughter is inexplicable. Words cannot describe how much I love and care for her.” -Benjamin Rowell (Union City, GA)
“My dad is always there for me when I need him, even though he lives far away.” -Kaylee L. (Atlanta, GA)
“My father is the one man that taught me how to love a real man. He not only took care of my earthly needs, but he ensured that my spirit and soul was taken care of. He did this by making sure that I was introduced to Christ at an early age…we never wanted for anything, including lots of love.” -Theresa Smith (Atlanta, GA)
“You’ve shown me that DNA does not matter, but a TRUE FATHER is in his actions, words, and most of all his being there when needed, Love you dad.” -Chiquilla Day(Milton,GA)
“My dad is special because he’s loving, charming, nice, and cheerful.” -Chanel
“My dad is a man among men. He truly loved and spoiled me. He always respected and honored my mother. I love him most because when my grandmother (my mother’s mom) was in hospice he took care of her every need, from feeding to bathing.” – Shenita Ellis (Hampton, GA)
“My father is a provider and a protector. I will always appreciate his hard work ethic and his CAN DO attitude. He taught me to preserver and that I can have anything I desire if I am positive, motivated and diligent.” -Mineka Williams (Union City, GA)
Teresa Grigsby and her dads! Sharon Lufkin and her dad!
“Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance.” -Ruth E. Renkel
Why do we know who Mimi is screwing, but don’t know who our baby’s father is? Why are we so excited about Nene’s self-proclaimed “I’m rich status” but not upset about living paycheck to paycheck for the last 10 years? Why do we have a stronger opinion about Jackie Christie’s shenanigans than we do about the lackluster attitudes of our young men?
The point I am trying to make is this: We need to stop being dedicated to Monday and Sunday nights, to VH1 and Bravo and become dedicated to our own journey.
We watch these women (and men) rack in millions of dollars because we are so tuned in to what’s going to happen next in their lives. But what about what is next for our own lives? Becoming a better you requires your own undivided attention. You must tune in to every aspect of your life.
Listen to yourself: Our bodies communicate with us more than any other human being. The VOICE within directs us, alarms us and motivates us. Yet still, we find ways to silence our own instinctual capabilities. We start to tune in by stopping the denial of our lifeline. Listen to yourself speak and FOLLOW directions.
Focus on the productivity of the moment, in preparation for the quality of the future: In an earlier post, I talked about the Power of the Moment. I am learning to always be aware of the usefulness of the moment. Desire to use your potential to the maximum daily. When we spend countless hours invested in the lives of others, whether we are watching television or scrolling through social media, we are NOT being productive. I am not suggesting you become a recluse. I am suggesting that you invest more of your time into yourself and YOUR JOURNEY. Don’t just watch someone else live theirs.
As we transform our lives, we must be aware of exactly what we want out of this life. Dr. Phil says, “It’s not enough to say I want to be happy….be specific.” In order to be a solid individual we must know ourselves and in order to do that, we must listen, be focused and tuned in to our own reality.
I have never met this young lady, yet she has pulled on vessels in my heart and caused a sensation that I cannot contain. Her name is Margo and about 2 years ago she was featured on Say Yes to the Dress. Her face glistened, her eyes illuminated as she picked her wedding gown for her summer ceremony.
Margo was 24 years old. While most her age are finishing college or starting families, she was fighting cervical cancer. As she explained her story and detailed her wedding ideas, all I could see/hear was her courage. Here she was in her early twenties fighting a battle for her life and she was smiling; she was optimistic; she was happy. I was happy for her. She was commendable. Even though she was wrestling with the hatefulness of cancer, she managed to let love shine through her expressions, her mannerisms and in the way she talked about her finance.
I was heartbroken when the show ended in her loving memory. I was shocked. I wanted her to win. She deserved to win. How could someone so young, so beautiful, so spiritual leave this world at 24?? How so?
In my eyes, we were the same people. Women. Young. Courageous. Smart. Loving.
This reminded me just how important it is to put life into perspective….how important it is to have priorities…how important it is to give and receive love. There was a time when all I worried about was work, work and more work. I’ve wasted my precious time worrying about appearances and trends. I am guilty of spending more time with Mr. Wrong than with my own son.
If my time was limited or infringed upon, I would not be concerned with work or curvy bottoms. All that would matter is the time I have spent with my kids. I admired Margo for living life and enjoying the moments and people most dear to her. She encouraged me to do the same. There was something in her eyes that told me that life and love doesn’t have to stop…all we have to do is keep believing and the two will keep beating…
Have you noticed?
Isn’t it odd….
how we spend all of our early life planning for the future? Then, when we are all grown up, we spend all of that time dwelling on the past. And we never stop to reflect on the ONLY thing in life that we have actual control over–the very moment. Many a times we either underestimate or totally overlook the importance of the current moment. In order to begin a transformation, we must realize the power of the moment, the power of NOW! Just like the majority of us, I am guilty of passing the present moment over for next moment (procrastination) or focusing so hard on future moments (excessive planning), that I forget about what I can do NOW. For starters, procrastination is the chief thief of time and only begets wasted days that began to pile up, and before you know it another year has passed. On the other hand, when we consistently worry about the future we tend to become indecisive and lost in our daydreams.
Some of us have no time for the present or the future because we are trapped in the past. Reminiscing on memories and dwelling in the past are totally different things. To dwell means to reside, to habitat, to establish. We don’t want to reside in the past, because this trumps the present and impedes the future. Do not become alarmed! I recognize that the past and the future are very well a part of the human experience. I am, simply, reminding us to put the two into perspective and not to allow them to dominate your life, when you truly do not have control. I am asking you to take control over the current moment and make decisions for today…where you are in life now. That could mean that you decide to be happy NOW, you determine that you are not a defenseless child anymore or that you relish in the moment while your patience grows for what awaits you in the future.
How can YOU be more Present?
- Stop and realize the actual power you have over your very moment.
- Make a commitment with yourself to part ways with procrastination, which denies you complete mobilization of YOUR moment.
- Make peace with your past life, carve out what you can use and what uplifts you, then move on.
- Look forward to the future, but don’t depend on it or become obsessed with it because it is not promised. So, NOW is the time hug our children, NOW is the time to spend time, NOW is the time to live your BEST life.
“You cannot find yourself in the past or future. The only place where you can find yourself is in the Now.”
A while back I was talking to my BFF, my BESTIE, my ACE and she left me with words that seemed encouraging to her, but punctured my soul like a two dagger sword. As we chatted over the phone she said to some effect, “…you know, women like us, who always have plans/goals/dreams, but never make anything of ourselves…” She continued to talk, but my ears were deaf. The little women in my mind were going into overdrive trying to process her actual statement, her possible in-between-the-lines statement, and the possibility that maybe, just maybe, I was one of them.
Am I really Langston’s answer to what happens to a Dream Deferred?
Am I festering?
How did I become an immobile procrastinator carrying around bags of treasures that the world has yet to see, and at this rate, probably will never see?
Lord help me, but it was true. I hated to admit to myself that I let the little girl, who I once was, down. I did not become the person I wanted to be. I did not allow my passions to blossom. If she could look at me, she would be shocked, more than that, she would be hurt. Tears swell in my eyes as I remember her. The girl who knew the sky was the limit and that her capabilities made her desires possible–within reach, no matter how grandiose they seemed.
As my friend talked, I wondered why my life was here and not there?? What has stalled me? When did that girl die?
I don’t know when I became complacent. I don’t know how I talked myself out of “being myself”.
What I do know is, although I may not be that same girl, she is still apart of me and what she wanted has not died, it’s just lost. Now, at 27 it is my job to find my lost pieces, pair them with pieces I’ve picked up as I’ve journeyed through life and come up with great picture that we both can be satisfied with.
Here I am, a 27 year old woman about to undergo a major transformation. As I am approaching the 30 year mark I am feeling the pressure to feel accomplished. I’ve been to school, but don’t have a degree. I’ve had 2 kids, but don’t have a husband. I’ve done my “healthy” research, but I’m still 30+ pounds overweight. I’ve started a business, but I am still in the early morning rat race! Something has to give!
Plenty of self talks later I have decided that if I don’t demand my change and create my space now, I never will. I thought about all the Black women that inspire me. Maya Angelou has been my favorite person since I was a little girl. I am impressed with known talent such as Jurnee Smollet-Bell (The Great Debaters,Temptation), Gabourey Sidibe and Michael B. Jordan (Fruitvale Station). Even the students who intern at my job leave their determination, dedication and directness with me. In my heart, I know that celebrity or college genius, they are no different from me–that I, too, can achieve my goals and be my best self. So, for the past couple of months I’ve been evaluating everything about myself and my life and coming up with action plans. I have decided to document it in a blog because many people don’t tell or show the transformation, they just emerge changed. Nevertheless, I realize that there are lot of women who are like me and will be able to benefit from watching me climb from the bottom to the top. And that’s how I came up with the name soNOVELme, which basically means Write About Me!
Let’s transform our lives together!